My Third Act: Mendful.world

Act three: Mendful — being the change

During the summer of 1993, I received a letter from my father. This was after a series of exchanges that had left me feeling more and more confused, sad, and alienated. This time, the message was clear. Again he recited his misdoings, but this time, he ended with,

“Please do not contact me. I cannot respond.”

My father died in May of 2025, never having met my son, his only grandson, due to our estrangement. In the intervening decades, especially the 90s, I tried to repair this rupture, to no avail. It took until recently to realize, it never was mine to repair — there was probably nothing I could have done to make things better. However, that and other disconnects I would witness in the intervening years, both within and outside my family — both interpersonal and large-scale — focused my attention on how disconnect happens, and how to repair it.

In story structure, the third act is where everything that’s come before resolves into a new reality. Threads converge. The main character steps out of her old world and into a new one with different rules, challenges, and opportunities.

Now in my early 60s, Mendful is my third act.

The difference is that in movies and plays, the third act is a winding-down. That’s how many people think of the last third of their lives — retiring from work, taking up non-strenuous hobbies, sharing what they’ve learned with others. However, I’m gearing up for a whole other chapter — a juicy one.

After decades of pursuing healing, personal growth and transformation through activism, writing, somatic counseling, mediation, philosophy, facilitation, and inner work, I see now more than ever that our macrocosm, or larger world, shows up in our microcosm, or interactions with others, and vice-versa. In other words, everything we experience and learn in our larger culture both mirrors and impacts how we interact with one another, and even with ourselves — and vice-versa.

At the same time, when we attend to those smaller ways we show up with ourselves and others, we can also create change that ripples out into and influences the larger world. For example, if we enter into a disagreement with care and compassion for both our own and another’s experience and well-being, we can create a different, more positive experience than the “cancel culture” and polarization so rampant in the culture at large. This small interaction can inspire others to follow suit, especially if we enable it to be witnessed widely. So, one way of creating change is to attend to our human interactions, including with ourselves, one thought pattern and conversation at a time, particularly when conflict arises. This isn’t to negate nor supplant the importance of other kinds of change, but rather to put my own focus where I can do the most good.

I’ve spent a lot of time in my life studying theory: feminism, queer liberation, dismantling white supremacy mythology, and so on. In and through these studies, I’ve seen how the members of most groups wind up behaving in ways that betray their own groups’ principles. For example, some feminists say and do things racist and classist toward other women. Some Christians espouse hate of their neighbor rather than love. And so on. This gap between theory and practice got me rather disillusioned with theories, and more interested in practices, especially skills for how to connect with one other when things get hard — skills that enable people to better align with their own professed beliefs and values. I want resources for those practices to be available in the moment, when conflicts arise. My Nonviolent Communication mediation training taught me that when any two people come to the table with any conflict, no matter how wrenching or longstanding, they always leave in a different place with respect to that conflict, from when they arrived.

I wish I had had something like that for help in connecting with my dad all those decades ago.

This is why I’m so passionate about building Mendful: a new kind of platform that makes instant, effective human conflict resolution accessible anytime, on any device, from anywhere in the world, for (almost) any type of issue. This is not yet another tech startup in search of a problem. It’s a soul-level response to the universal human pain and suffering of unresolved conflict that weaves an incredible wealth of mind, body, spirit, and emotion-based knowledge using a digital platform to deliver repair of our everyday relational ruptures.

The why: a pattern I couldn’t unsee

Across years of working with individuals, couples, teams, and communities, I noticed the same painful pattern:

• Something goes wrong.

• People get scared, hurt, or shut down.

• They lack the resources to repair.

• The disconnection calcifies into distance, resentment, or collapse.
  

Over time, the mental health of one or both of the people involved declines. Coping measures like substance abuse may increase. Social networks can fray. The conflict can also impact those adjacent to the pair, such as family members or coworkers.

No matter the type of conflict, even if words and actions appear otherwise, those in treasured connections usually want to find their way back to each other, and to move forward with their common goals. They just don’t know how.

As a mediator and counselor, I’ve watched time and again how powerful results emerge when people are gently guided back to what matters most; When they feel heard, not corrected; When they can speak from the heart instead of from fear; When they can move from who's "right" into what’s real. But that kind of help isn’t always available. If it is, those who need it usually need to wait days or weeks to find the right person, book a session, and hope they get the type of help they need. 

Currently, dedicated conflict resolution help is not available in the moment, such as at 9:30 p.m. on a Sunday night, during a lunch break at work, or in the middle of the night.

My “why” is to normalize relational repair — and make it available to anyone, 24/7. That’s where Mendful comes in.

The what: a new kind of conflict resolution mediation

Mendful offers something not available until now: instant access to trained, human conflict resolution coaches — on demand, through any internet-connected device.

It’s not therapy. It’s not transactional, legal-adjacent mediation that slices up a pie of material goods. It’s something new: guided, real-time, relational repair.

It can be used by:

• Two friends navigating a falling out

• Co-parents trying to renegotiate a schedule

• Work teammates needing to clear the air before a deadline

• A couple triggered by an argument who want to come back into connection quickly

• And yes, any family members in pain about their relationship
  

With Mendful, you get matched with a live Conflict Resolution Coach within minutes, not days. Our coaches are trained not just in traditional conflict resolution, but in trauma-informed listening, Nonviolent Communication, and decolonized relational repair.

The how: a living synthesis

This idea didn’t arrive all at once. It’s the synthesis of everything I’ve studied, practiced, and survived.

In my twenties and thirties, I trained in Re-evaluation Counseling, and Nonviolent Communication, based in the work of Marshall Rosenberg. I learned that what we say in conflict is rarely what we really mean — and that under every jab or shutdown is a vulnerable, human need. Concurrently, I moved more deeply into systems work, social justice, and trauma resolution. I saw how larger forces — race, gender, power, late capitalism— shape our ability to stay present when the heat rises. More recently, I have applied my somatic counseling and conflict resolution work toward healing racialized trauma, converging with the emerging body of work known as somatic abolitionism.

All this comes together in Mendful. Mendful is far from simply an app. It’s a multidimensional philosophy. A movement. A reimagining of what becomes possible when we meet each other at the edge of rupture — and choose to mend.

We’re building the platform to be:

• Equitable: pricing models that include free or low-cost access

• Global: facilitators who reflect a diversity of cultures, languages, and lived experience

• Practical: quick enough to use in a 20-minute break, deep enough to open real shifts

• Confidential and safe: built with encryption, consent protocols, and accountability
  

In May 2026, a group of 13 trainees graduated from our first cohort, and are preparing to staff the app in July. We’re now enrolling for the October cohort.

Why it matters The world is full of tools to argue, broadcast, and perform. Mendful is a tool to listen, understand, and repair.

I believe our future depends on developing the capacity to have difficult conversations without hardening our hearts. That's what Mendful exists to support — one conversation at a time.

So why am I doing this now, in my sixties, when many people are winding down? Because everything in me says it's time. I've watched too many good relationships fall apart for lack of skilled support, and I believe that, with the right help, anyone who wants to can learn to move through conflict with greater courage, compassion, and connection.

This is my third act. And I want it to be of service.

If Mendful helps even one parent and child who, like my father and me, once felt hopeless about reconnecting, find their way back to each other, every fourteen-hour day will have been worth it. If it helps millions, well — that would be a very good third act indeed.